Michele Bachmann…Not Smarter Than A 5th Grader

Okay, there are politicians I disagree with on an ideological level.

That is always going to happen no matter where you sit on the political fence, and as such you can’t fault them for not subscribing to your own ideals.

But not since Congressmen Hank Johnson (D-Ga) informed a three star admiral in an open congressional hearing that it was his fear “that the whole island (of Guam) will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.” has a member of Congress so routinely been my go to guy/girl for plain ol’ “dipshittery” as Michele Bachmann (R-Mn) .

In 2009 this woman famously said Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” And that was merely a shot across the bow, so to speak, because she has gone full speed ahead into the batshit crazy abyss ever since.

She was the one who first tossed around the mythical “death panel” argument, arguing her point with a terribly misplaced Terri Schiavo as an example to further her case against the things that never actually existed.

“A woman (Terri Schiavo) was healthy. There was brain damage, there was no question. But from a health point of view, she was not terminally ill.”

She has been a one-woman-wrecking-crew for cultural insensitivity (and should we be surprised seeing how her Congressional district is almost 95% white?) having once said in front of a multi-cultural audience “Not all cultures are equal”.

At one point in a heated Congressional debate she argued that abstinence should be the only form of birth-control taught to teenagers “because 50 percent of all African American pregnancies today are ending in abortion.”, having apparently pulled this number right of her own ass.

At one point last year she claimed she was “proud of her constituents because they had two and sometimes even three jobs” to get by and that showed “how much they enjoyed hard work”.

In that same delusional speech she went on to argue that if we got rid of the minimum-wage laws we could solve all of our fiscal woes:

”If we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.”

She failed to counter the argument that in doing so she would ensure that all but a precious few Americans would earn much above the current minimum wage levels.

At one point she even had her GOP colleagues stifling guffaws when she said Federal Reserve moves had her “very concerned about the international moves they’re making, particularly … moving the United States off the dollar and onto a global currency, like Russia and China are calling for.”

It should be noted that this is a discussion that hasn’t ever taken place at the national level.

In the middle of a debate over gay marriage and its effect on children she ludicrously claimed:

“Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.”

Bachmann also ridiculously claimed that “there are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design” at one point a few years back.

To that I would argue 1. to date not one single Nobel prize winner in a science category has come forward stating their belief in intelligent design and 2. if there is a single convincing undeniable proof to the fact that human beings were NOT created through intelligen­t design, it is Michelle Bachmann.

When she has boldly stepped away from the scientific realm to discuss complex issues like the tax code she has given us little gems like “I don’t know where they’re going to get all this money because we’re running out of rich people in this country.”

She has been at the forefront of the “anti-slavery movement” (I’ll come back to this theme in a minute) tossing around hyperbole like:

“We will talk a little bit about what has transpired in the last 18 months and would we count what has transpired into turning our country into a nation of slaves.”

She couldn’t be bothered to list what she claimed was “enslaving” us, sadly.

At one point this conspiracy loon intimated that the swine flu epidemic was some sort of Obama plot to….well, no one really knows what she was getting at when she said it as an “interesting coincidence” that the last time a major swine flu epidemic occurred it too was under a Democratic President (Carter).

It took all of 2 minutes for her to backtrack when it was quickly pointed out that the outbreak she attempted to refer to occurred during the Ford administrations tenure.

I was watching the news one day and personally witnessed her claim that “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

After spitting up my coffee mid-gulp it took me all of about a half of one second to do the math in my head that if the war in Iraq at its high point was costing us one billion dollars per day with around 300,000 troops on the ground to guess she had had another one of her brain farts of epic proportion.

It took the Pentagon less than hour to issue a press release confirming my calculations.

Early this year she gave a speech where she claimed the United States was founded on racial and ethnic diversity and that the founding fathers were responsible for abolishing slavery. Apparently she wasn’t aware of the 3/5ths rule or the fact that many of the founding fathers owned slaves themselves.

Speaking at an event sponsored by Iowans For Tax Relief, Bachmann hailed the “different cultures, different backgrounds, different traditions” of the early European settlers in America, adding that the “color of their skin” or “language” or “economic status” didn’t preclude them from seeking happiness.

“Once you got here, we were all the same,” she said. “Isn’t that remarkable? It is absolutely remarkable.”

The Minnesota Republican called slavery an “evil” and “scourge” and “stain on our history.”

“But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States,” Bachmann added, claiming “men like John Quincy Adams… would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”

Obviously slavery was not only NOT abolished by the founding fathers. It was not until the days of Lincoln and the Emancipation Proclamation that we saw our great nation rid of that evil institution.

But its not like I needed to explain that to a person with half a brain in their head.

Her latest display of symptoms of “foot-in-mouth-disease” was out on the campaign trail in New Hampshire, because inexplicably there seem to be enough modestly-retarded people out there who actually think this woman has the ability to lead this nation in 2012 and beyond.

In front of a stunned crowd she uttered:

What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty. You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord. And you put a marker in the ground and paid with the blood of your ancestors the very first price that had to be paid to make this the most magnificent nation that has ever arisen in the annals of man in 5,000 years of recorded history.

You see, the problem here is (and I am betting this isn’t news to any of you) that it is too bad for Bachmann that the “shot heard ’round the world” was fired in Massachusetts.

The remark demonstrates a lack of basic knowledge about the historical events from which the Tea Party she claims to love derived its name frankly.

But hey, basing things she says on pesky little things called “facts” has never gotten in between her and a good sound bite.  The Pulitzer Prize-winning PolitiFact noted that she had made false statements more often than any other public official.

“We have checked her 13 times, and seven of her claims to be false and six have been found to be ridiculously false,” PolitiFact editor Bill Adair told Minnesota Public Radio.

Yes, he said that almost fifty-percent of her most recent claims were ridiculously false.

He added that no other politician had been fact checked as often as Bachmann without saying something that was found to be true.

“I don’t know anyone else that we have checked, more than a couple times, that has never earned anything above a false,” Adair said. “She is unusual in that regard that she has never gotten a rating higher than false.”

It’s worth noting that PolitiFact’s trove of Bachmann fibs just scratches the surface. That same Minnesota Public Radio nine-minute interview with her found at least four false statements within moments of its conclusion.

So I am just begging you all.  Please, please, PLEASE tell me there aren’t any of you out there who actually take this woman serious.  There isn’t a single person on either side of the political spectrum who should be taken less seriously than this woman.

She wants us to give her the nuclear codes?  Hell, I wouldn’t give her the code to the copier at work.

These are hard times, with incredible challenges ahead.  Don’t let them be dealt with by a nitwit like this.

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4 thoughts on “Michele Bachmann…Not Smarter Than A 5th Grader

  1. Pingback: Michele Bachmann’s Holy WarThe Tea Party contender may seem like a goofball, but be warned: Her presidential campaign is no laughing matter « The Rantings & Ravings Of A (Formerly) Mad Mailman

  2. Falling on the floor laughing probably isn’t the response you were looking for, but you did such a good job chronicling her crazy I couldn’t help it. Talk about spitting coffee in mid-gulp!
    I love this blog!

    • The sad part? The list is already outdated in a mere few months. Her wishing Elvis “Happy Birthday!” on the say he died, announcing how proud she was to be in the birthplace of John Wayne (when it was John Wayne Gacy’s hometown), the list goes and on.

      But I am very glad I could put a smile on someone’s face today =0

  3. Pingback: Michele Bachmann thinks we need to lower minimum wage to stimulate the economy. « The Rantings & Ravings Of A (Formerly) Mad Mailman

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