Wait ’til the kids get a load of me!

"Mommy doesn't just look different, my dear -- she's prettier!".

Wait’ll you get a load of “My Beautiful Mommy,” the first picture book to tell the 4- to 7-year-old crowd all about Mommy’s tummy tuck, booby lift and nose job.

I’m telling you.

Anyone who thinks this is a “nice idea” has to get in line behind this little guy’s parents for “Shittiest Parent of the Year”.

The author, a Florida plastic surgeon and father of four, said the book is designed to reassure children about “mommy makeovers,” the plastic surgery that “fixes” all those saggy, wrinkly things that happen to your body after you give birth, breastfeed and, ya know, live with kids. Or just live.

“It is for the mom who has already booked her plastic surgery,” author Michael Salzhauer told Reuters reporters, “and now has to tell her kids why she is going to be in bed, why daddy is picking the kids up from school and all those other issues.”

As you might guess, the book, self-published through a vanity press, which is marvelously appropriate here, is igniting controversy … particularly the pages where the Saggy, Wrinkly Mommy says things like, “As I got older, my body stretched and I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore. Dr Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.” Mommy won’t be different, “just prettier!”

We know, right?  Can’t you just hear the conversation between the mother and her 7-year old daughter now?

“When we can’t fit into our clothes, we book an appointment in the OR, PDQ, ya know?”

Sigh.

-_-

Am I just being old-fashioned by thinking a mom should be racing through the house in the morning, getting the kids ready for school and avoiding all mirrors, which apparently she should have draped so she wouldn’t accidentally catch sight of herself looking human or anything?

Man we have to shake our heads and wonder what the hell happened here.

We live in a Paris Hiltonized culture of coiffed, skeletal and makeup spackled women who’d rather go under the knife than betray even the slightest tinge of imperfection.

Yet those same people who have no problem racking up DUIs or betraying other moral flaws.

Yet another sigh.

Now our publishers are aiding and abetting this kind of incredeulous stuff?

What bugs this shit out of me – OK, one of the MANY things that bugs the shit out of me – is that publisher Big Tent’s other offerings are books on “playing nicely” with friends, coping with your first pair of glasses and an entire line of Christian books for kids.

Kind of tells me I must have missed BoobJob 3:14, so somebody help me. Is that before or after Corinthians?

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